Let’s Eat?!

                Mealtime is a contact sport at our house.  For some reason the cats think they belong on the kitchen table.  The source of this idea is unknown, but they are quite adamant about its truth.  
                Well-meaning people constantly advise us that to keep cats off the kitchen table we should just squirt them with water.  This would work on some of the cats, but Frank and Toby (the ones on the table to begin with) love water play.  Instead, we end up tossing them off the table in a 10-15 second rotation.  This is most effective if we eat in shifts so someone’s hands are free at all times.

Even the grandcat is a mealtime menace

                If cats are left on the table, it’s necessary to shield the plate with an arm.  This protects food from the cats’ “faster-than-a-speeding-bullet swipe and grab” tactic.  I clean their litter box.  I know where those paws have been.  I won’t be finishing my meal.  One of Frank’s favorite techniques is “dip and lick”—dip his paw into my milk glass, then lick the milk off.   Again—I know where that paw has been.

                As long as we eat at the table, the chaos is manageable.  Eating in the living room so we can catch the news is a game changer.  The open sprawl of the couch allows for team plays.  With one or two cats climbing over the shoulder from the back of the couch, the innocent diner holding a glass in one hand and a plate in the other is defenseless.  This allows a third cat’s frontal assault.  Setting the glass on an end table to free a hand leads to the “dip and lick” problem.  Yelling has no effect.  Sudden movements work in the cats’ favor since the end result is food on the floor.

                What options are left?  My favorite is to eat out.  On those occasions when we do cook at home, we opt to throw as many felines outside as possible, accept the ones that are left, and have the wisdom to eat in shifts.